This is a very sensitive topic. I’ve seen some crazy debates on social media.
Plenty of people think that it is in your control and that it is the fault of the person if they are “overweight”.
And of course there are others who believe the situation is much more complex.
Honestly, when I started coaching weight loss 13 years ago, I was of the belief that your weight was in your control.
Mostly this was because I could manipulate my body using food and exercise. For the most part, I could get leaner and more muscular on demand. So this was my evidence.
But as time went on, I put the arrogance behind me and started to understand that the situation is much more complex and nuanced.
Here’s where I stand today…
For starters, the question – “is your weight in your control?” is a badly worded question.
What constitutes control?
There is almost always something you can do to manipulate a situation with enough time, energy, money, and risk.
Height can be change through limb lengthening surgery. Hair transplants can address hair loss.
And what about our net worth? Isn’t that just about making more money and spending less? Are we all just choosing not to be wealthy?
Is it possible that there are other factors to consider?
When it comes to our weight, we assume that just because we make choices surrounding our eating and exercise, that these things are 100% in our control.
That’s where I think we’re wrong.
The question shouldn’t be about whether something is in our control or not. Most things are in a technical sense.
The question should be what resistance does each unique individual have to overcome to achieve whatever goal they want?
When it comes to our weight, we have many forces at play…
- Genetics: Hormones such as estrogen, testosterone, thyroid, ghrelin, and leptin all influence our metabolism and desire to eat. Not everyone is the same. For some people it will be easier to eat less. For others, any attempt to eat less will be met with great resistance.
- Income: Some people have enough discretionary income that they can afford higher quality food. They can also afford services like food prep, personal training, etc. To say money has no impact is crazy. Do you need to be rich to be healthy? Of course not. But the resistance is higher if you’re not.
- Situation: You tell me who is going to have an easier time losing weight – the new mom with twins, or the 32yo bachelor guy? Again, you can think of this as an excuse OR you could have some compassion for yourself and others and understand that just because something might be possible, it doesn’t mean the path won’t be met with a lot of resistance.
- Mental Health: There are people who struggle with anxiety and depression who use food to cope. They don’t want to. They aren’t making the choice to do this. I’ve had a binge eating disorder myself. Telling someone to “just stop doing it” or “put the cookie down” isn’t helpful at all.
- History: What have you been through in your life? There are people who have been through a lot of trauma or other experiences that have shaped their identity. Some people hold their weight as a way to protect themselves from unwanted attention due to unfortunate experiences in their past. These people are going to have to put in a lot more work to heal and achieve certain goals.
- Culture: Some people are part of cultures that value food differently. Food is a labor of love. Or it’s a way to bond with others. Some cultures have more calorically dense foods. Yes, you could always say no. But doing so comes with different consequences for certain people. Again… more resistance.
Hopefully you can see that whether weight is in your control or not is a silly debate.
We all need to do the best we can with the cards we’re dealt.
No one knows what someone else is going through.
What you can control is up to you to decide. But what’s the cost of that control?
Whatever the case, you can always work towards being the happiest, healthiest, and best version of yourself given the circumstances of your now.
Talk soon…